Eternal love, marriage, commitment and so on

Posted on November 10, 2011 by admin

Love, Marriage, Commitment, Vows, EgoismI am sure you heard the thought that if a person doesn’t want to commit to another person it’s egoism…that’s the point of my today’s relationship advice columns.

Well, I don’t think that, cause what do we have in opposing case? Often, we have a persons who wants to be with another person in orders to be happy. Just think about that – “IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY”. Don’t you think it’s real egoism, cause someone needs another one in order the person to make him or her happy? Well, I think that it’s. That’s egoism. That’s a really selfish desire and it’s considered as something amazing, when we want to be with another person. We think it’s desire to love, to give yourself to another person, to make the person happy. Damn, that’s garbage! That’s real egoism and lie besides.

In fact “commitment” in marriage can by called a contract. Yes, it’s a contract. We expect from another person, that he or she won’t do something we don’t like and won’t approve. We say that to her, and promise that we will follow her conditions in exchange.

You can call that a commitment, but don’t call it “commitment to a partner”. It’s commitment to marriage, I’d say, cause you both commit to the idea of rules and your ideas what marriage is and how it should be. As soon as one of you violates the rules you move on to search for a new person for your life. And there was never commitment to the person, cause there was an only commitment to your ideas and rules about marriage or relationships.

People want insurances. As for me, I don’t want those. And I can’t give insurances to someone. Of course, I can say if I believe that our relationship will last eternally, but I never promise, cause I don’t know if the relationship will last eternally.  Don’t think that I have never loved. No! I experience the feeling very often, however I always realize that it’s just feelings, and they can’t guarantee, that the relationship will last until we die.

Love, Marriage, Commitment, Vows, EgoismSometimes, when I am looking at night sky, night stars, I think that I can fly. And I want to jump and to achieve the sky, but I know that’s impossible, although I think and I am sure that I can. I wanna say that our thought, hopes, dreams don’t guarantee that they will come true. Those are just dreams. So, when someone asks me if I’ll love her all my life, I can’t answer “yes” cause it may be lie. I’ll try to preserve our relationship, I can do almost everything for it, if I want, but I can’t guarantee, and therefore, I can’t promise it.

So, no matter how important to say ”I’ll love you for ever” in a certain moment, I realize that it will be lie, and I don’t want to lie to a close person. I think it’s more honestly, if I say to her “I don’t know if I’ll love you for ever”.

Many people promise to each other, give vows, however they promise what is impossible to deliver. We can promise to do something forever, but you can’t promise to feel something forever. We can’t prolong our feeling by choice. Think about that. That’s truth. We can do some steps to prolong the feeling, but we can’t guarantee that it will be prolonged.

So, if someone promises me that she will love me for ever, I know that it doesn’t mean she will love me forever. I appreciate the person and her feelings, and I try not to hurt her, however I don’t think about her words very seriously. It’s more correct to think in this way, and that doesn’t ruin my relationship, on the contrary, realizing that everything may end, I try to preserve it. That makes our relationship more honestly and bright.

No one can be happy without another person, without a “soulmate”. I am sure you heard that too. It’s a very common conviction.

We try to find someone who will fulfill our desires, give us love and calm. We want someone to solve our personal problems, instead of solving them by ourselves. That’s a wrong way.

When we feel and think that we couldn’t “preserve love” or “save marriage” we pay for our believing that someone can and need to do that.

Why do we try to “preserve love” and to “save marriage”? Cause we are afraid of changes, uncertainty, inability to build a new close and intimate relationship with a new partner. So, often we are in a relationship which doesn’t give us something pleasant. We don’t have passion, intimacy, understanding, love, but we’re afraid of losing the stability, even if the stability is awful.

We so wish to predict future, prolong pleasure and calm, and prevent soul pain. When we are unable to achieve that, we try to find someone to blame her for the pain. And that’s usually the closest person, our former soulmate. We blame her, instead of thanking her for the pleasure she gave us, and the time she spent with us.

I don’t want to say that any relationship is unhappy. There are really people happy with their soulmates and enjoy their relationship for decades.

If something makes us really happy, it’s worthy to be in our life. It can be living with your spouse till the death. If it is, then you’re lucky! You’re lucky cause your vows came true. It’s like a lottery. Only few win it.

I am not sure if it happens very often, but everyone wants to win the lottery, and is sure that every relationship will end in marriage. I’d offer not to think in this way. It’s dangerous.

Why do we act in this way?

Why do we so often think what we should, and why so seldom do we think about happiness, the fun, the joy, the pleasure? What’s aim of our life?

If you enjoy the person now, however, know that you won’t be together, why not to have a “7-days-marriage” and then to say good bye to each other? Why we so often live together for 7 years, instead of 7 days? We have the only life. Why do we waste it? Why do we sure that every our relationship should end in marriage?

As for me, I prefer to live like every day is the last day. I don’t worry very much about a future. I want only to be sure that I’ll have enough to eat and where to sleep. Actually, those are the main conditions for living.

A relationship may last days, months, years…..the longest my relationship lasted 4 years. We had amazing times, were together often, and even lived together for 2 years. It was a great time, and I don’t regret it was. We were very close persons, friends, lovers, soulmates. You can ask “what killed your relationship? Well, it’s too private to share it, I just say those was a combination of factors, which killed the relationship.

Nowadays we are different people, and our couple doesn’t exist. But I don’t regret about the time, and I thank her for the time.

Love, Marriage, Commitment, Vows, EgoismSometimes life presupposes changes and therefore, relationships end. Remember that.  Many people consider true love is eternal. I don’t think so.

I really do believe in love, but there are many kinds of it. It’s like a song. The same song sounds differently, cause every time it’s sung by a different singer)))

I wish you to find your real eternal love! Bye!

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Princesses and peas

Posted on October 5, 2011 by admin

Hello!

Today, I am continuing my relationship advice column. We’ll talk about such an ephemeral, but very important thing, as sensitivity.

Why do many people live in shit and that’s normal for them? An answer is simple – the thing is that every person has an own level of sensitivity.

In order to escape from psychological pain a human lowers a level of sensitivity. Because everything is wrong in his or her life and if the person felts the wrong everything, he or she would go mad. There are even special preparations, which are drunk by many people, in order to get rid of psychological torment. Cause soul hasn’t got to anywhere, and suffers, even if a person has a lowed level of sensitivity.

Let moans of soul are muffled, but one way or another, they break out all the same. But there is the tablet. You take it in the moment of melancholy about better life – and continue living, not worrying. Until the tablet has an effect, of course. Recently American nation was on the Prozac, which was taken oftener than aspirin. If you are interested in it, read about it.

But how to get by without tablets and lowing of pain limit?)) Life of a usual person is really awful. Everything is terrible everywhere))

Every “normal” person has to earn money. That is going to work, do there what he doesn’t want, being in the office from here to here, getting up early, when he wants to sleep and so on. And the main thing is that everyone who takes part in it, definitely feels, that time of his invaluable life is wasted. And it’s wasted for nothing. It gives nothing with the exception of pointless being, hemorrhoids and prostatitis. If to stay a feeling person – how to get through that all?

Business, of course, is not a way out at all. Actually, it is not different from work, except an amount of money and pretences. But it’s the same boredom. Only unlike work, which can be left, it’s almost impossible for a businessman to leave a business. There are almost no examples. Exchanging one business for another is not an example.

Businessmen have a lot of temptations, leading away from right and natural life.

But they feel really worse, that their employees. That’s because they do an extremely bad thing – they coax people to work for them. Businessmen, so to speak, create “workplaces” which people waste their only life for nothing on. And what sake they act in this way for? Just for money. Which is more that enough after a few years of making living. And extra money doesn’t give to a businessman anything fitting. But he continues earning money all the same. He deprives profit. It’s the same profit which has damaged and has been continuing damaging the world – life, people, nature, everything what’s living and really valuable.

Businessmen, by the way, have besides a funny tendency. Earned money they begin, suddenly, considering themselves grasped essence of a universe and to teach others how to live or how to make living. Megalomania, pretences and other things are integral steaks of any businessman.

It’s entirely understandable. Megalomania – is a mask, which hides an awful, deepest inferiority complex. I am so cool, I’ve earned money, I understand life – but who knows about that? Who will give me recognition? Employees? That’s not serious. And they begin creating clubs of businessmen (in order to “share experience”, but in actual fact to enjoy recognition of neophytes, who are ready to consider them cool and successful), open business-schools, write blogs and so on – there are many ways to get an acknowledgment. And nobody understands what forced them to search for recognition. And the person who echoes them and listens to them, also don’t notice neither the stupidity, nor narrow-mindedness of their idols, nor gnawing them inferiority complex.

Ok. Business is not a way out, that’s obvious. Also it’s obvious that businessmen are disgusting for me cause they promote their life style as correct and beautiful. I hate it! But let’s continue understanding life of a “normal” human.

Private life. It’s a crazy word combination, by the way. That is every person must give to society a part of his life, he must have not only personal life but social life too. So it’s not allowed having only your own life, the whole your life can’t be just a life which belongs only to you. It’s not allowed life wholly to belong to a person. I do want to spit in face of the bastard who made up that everything.

However, in our case, we understand the words” personal life” as the part of life, where “relationships” happen. “Relationship” is an incomprehensible word too! So, how are things with relationships of our “normal” human?

It’s understandable that everything is bad. A “normal” human has problems with relationship. He has a wife (for easiness a “normal” human will be a man) which he chose for some reasons, but not because he loved her. Maybe he didn’t choose her at all. So, he has a family, but doesn’t have love.

Life with another person without love is labor. It’s a real labor, terror, and utter upset. However, there are particular people similar to robots, with atrophied brain, who in advance agree with each other and then have not a family, but partnership, and it’s normal for them apparently.

And a stock family of a “normal” human, who doesn’t understand why he feels so bad, is regular run-ins, quarrels, incapability to agree, nervous breakdowns, binges, “that’s all I am going to mother, and those children are not your children”. Or indifference, which wounds much strongly than quarrel and sorting things between a husband and a wife.

Well, the normal human lives in his flat among the same normal humans, listens to neighbor’s quarrel and quarrels himself with a wife. He finds time to go to the theater two times per year, after that he drinks alcohol and so on. That all can’t add sensitivity too.

What’s next? Those are friends. Friends of a “normal” human are fellow sufferers. If misfortune has finished you’re not a friend any more. How to be friends? What to talk about? What’s a reason to drink alcohol and have fun?

By the way, a “normal” human has a lot of distractions of lousy life. There are loads of ways to muffle a soul voice, to be distracted from it, not to notice that everything is wrong.

In short, sensitivity has no chances. It’s obvious that when sensitivity is muffled, it’s impossible to notice a lot of shit under feet. It is everywhere, and a human is not a flea, he will get used to everything.

Another case is when human lives as he wants. Absolutely different life is had by the person, who hasn’t muffled his sensitivity and uses it. The persons who muffled their sensitivity surely, lose a very important thing. Sensitivity is the thing which leads a human through life. Only if you’re feeling it’s possible to understand where to go. To be exact, just to go there. Mind will never give you a correct direction.

Yes, it’s necessary to pay for everything in life.To allow yourself feeling – it’s not a parachute jump or snowboarding. In order to live how your heart wants you need much bravery and power. And you need the ability to BE RESPONCIBLE.

Persons with high lever of sensitivity are as princesses and peas – the slightest shit is noticeable. And it’s impossible to come to terms with it. It’s needed to eliminate it, take out, wash off. Or to suffer, if it’s impossible to do it straight away.

To suffer until the opportunity to change everything appears. Don’t hide in different “shelters”, don’t you lower level of sensitivity, don’t convince yourself that shit is normal, and everybody lives like this. Because if you show weakness, hide, let in shit in your life – that’s the end, it will settle in your life and become a master. And then sufferings begin much serious and prolonged. And persistent.

Sufferings of sensitive persons because of any shit end, as soon as they have gotten rid of it. But sufferings of the persons who allowed shit to stay in their life, and just “changed focus of attention”, never end. Shit is stayed by yourself, and it’s in your power. You are agreeable to it. And if you’re agreeable – it will be with you and won’t leave you.

So, my dear readers, I wish you to give up shit. That’s my advice.  You’ll like it, I promise.

Good luck!

 

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Man in woman’s life – based on the movie “Swept Away”

Posted on September 10, 2011 by admin

We all – both men and women – have to imprint of our upbringing. And since it’s a great luck when parents grow a healthy and harmonious individual, we have to get responsible for our psychological wellbeing on ourselves. 

We are similar to construction sets and ready-to-cook food, which need to be prepared, before it will be possible to enjoy life. And without the preparation life is like frozen pizza – you can eat it, but it has awful taste……))

One more trouble is a recipe or instructions how to assemble the construction set are not given. And producers don’t often know themselves, what they have given birth to and what it is for. Again, we have to understand it on our own.

So, we’re talking about a man helping a woman. There is the important moment – when the man helps a woman to overcome her troubles – she should understand, what happens and want it. In other cases there will be no result.

The best case is when mutual assistance is the result of partners’ agreement. You help me – I help you. Else, everything will slide towards to usual family manipulations.

Swept Away

I recommend to watch the movie at first, and then to read. However, it’s your decision))

The movie is mixed and very unexpected. To show as male inflexibility cures female bitchiness – is a high risk. May be therefore, the movie had no success – it whips too hard female self-esteem.

dating, love, marriage, online relationship advice, men, women, romance, cheatingWithout a doubt personalities and behavior of the characters are satirically exaggerated, but when it comes to problems, any irony disappears. The transformation, progressing in the woman, is shown in all seriousness. No psychologist can give it to a woman, only her man can do that.

 

In the end, the movie is led off to usual melodrama. Everything is really well until the man falls in love and begins demanding proof of her love. It looks rather inconsistently, taking into account his previous behavior, but it looks like that is a requirement of entertaining genre.

After the watching, I was filled with respect to Madonna, who appeared in leading part. The movie, btw, was shot by her husband – Guy Ritchie, so I can suppose, that the story is close and intelligible the both. Watch and learn.

Female Pride

dating, love, marriage, online relationship advice, men, women, romance, cheatingThe main problem which robs a woman of happiness and peace is her pride. From childhood, when they grow a princess from a girl, and ending much mature age, when the worldwide movement of feminist does its brainwashing, a woman is learnt that she is unusual and is worthy of the best.

A woman and the things she is worthy of – is an eternal theme of advertisements and serials. Mothers, friends, magazines and television – all go on about the same – the best is for women, cause they are weak and wonderful, and therefore earn a special attitude.

And even men begin believing in the propaganda. Or rather have a long time ago believed. In their heart of hearts men understand, that women a long time ago go too far, but can’t express it clearly and to find a legitimate basis for their feelings. Lots of them feel themselves guilty because of subversive thoughts and try to make themselves out to be knights even strongly.

All in all, the game in woman’s extolling has gone too far. It would be all right if it really made women happier, but it wouldn’t. Because of their elevated significant women just suffer – everything is not enough for them, they always doubt, may be they are worthy of something better than they have now.

Women are the first who lose in this game, and men, buying the universal swindle, go after them. Trying to satisfy all woman’s swims, they don’t understand, that hand millstone about their and women’s necks.

It’s easier to write about men’s stupidity – cause it’s closer to me)) and is very acquaintance from inside. Men are weak and dependent. From the moment when they were weaned in the both literal and figurative senses, they have been are striving to return back as hard as they can. They search for the serene feeling from each woman and therefore, are trapped so easy.

“If you wanna suck a breast, and me to love you, would you be so good as to respect me and my small dog” – it is the ultimatum, which a woman gives to a man. And men accept it with gratitude, if only they would be accepted back in “mother’s bosom”.

Properly, from the muddle only psychologists win – clients are on the waiting list to form an understanding how it turns out that a woman is perpetually dissatisfied – either to indulge her or not.

Readiness to lose

First of all, it’s necessary to understand that a woman is not an enemy. Do you remember, what did we begin from? Everyone from us is a product of upbringing and the circumstances, which put pressure on us. In order to understand the absurdity of the sets, it’s needed to go a long way and to get a lot of bumps. Therefore, don’t blame a woman for it, and don’t take revenge on her.

dating, love, marriage, online relationship advice, men, women, romance, cheatingEverything what a man can offer to a woman is the fulcrum, which will help her to change her world…if she’s ready for this. But for this a man has to overcome his own weakness and become inflexible enough to get through pressure of woman’s attraction to the power over a man.

I’d say a woman strives to subjugate a man’s will. It happens absolutely naturally and unconsciously, but it is the “worm-hole” which ruins relationship. A woman fight power over a man drop by drop, and a man, at first, is just glad to do her a good turn – he does love her!

Instead of that, a man should flick a woman’s nose for her every claim and at any price to save his right for seniority in relationship. But men give in usually, cause to preserve the relationship is more important for them. And women easily mate – “Wanna be with me – obey!” And men have seldom got enough power to lay down the same conditions.

A man should be ready to lose a woman at any time. Only in this way he can preserve control over the situation. In another case – he dies, and a woman once again is convinced of she’s worthy better.

Who calls the shots

In the movie, of course, an extreme variant of bringing the woman round demonstrated – it could work only on the desert island, where the woman is really in dependence on a man. In another case, nothing would work – they would be with a ten-foot pole.

dating, love, marriage, online relationship advice, men, women, romance, cheatingIn everyday life, everything is less dramatic – cause a relationship is built by the persons who are nice to each other and disposed at least somehow to try the relationship to improve. And if there are some skill to make up with each other, then it doesn’t come to ultimatums and manipulations at all.

 

The main task for the both is to catch the essence. Usually, a woman strives for a comprehensive satisfaction of her pride. It seems to her – actually she was learned this- that if all her whims is satisfied she’ll experience the happiness and peace, which are described in love novels.

And until a woman believes in that, nothing will help her – if only a desert island and a man with hard personality in addition. Until a woman counts on her pride, there is no point to challenge something in her – relationship will be challenged earlier.

Both a man should want to mature, and a woman should three times get her fingers burnt and understand herself, that the pursuit of the satisfaction of pride leads her to hell, but not to paradise. Only in such a case, taking on himself trouble and responsibility to be seniority in relationship, a man will be able to help her to escape from the marsh of eternal dissatisfaction.

As to actual practical measures, I specially don’t tell about that. It’s an individual thing, and it’s easy to make a real mess of things, giving general advice. It’s more important to explain – a man should learn to be a master of the situation, and a woman should be near, but a half step away. You can comprehend it, as a game, as training, however you like – but the both should feel it deeply.

The main trick of a mutual growing is when a man and a woman grow each other they mature themselves. In order to help growing a man, a woman needs to moderate her pride. In order to help a woman to moderate her pride a man should mature. It’s the sense of cooperation between a man and a woman.

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